Below are links to some humor pieces I've written. LOL.
OKAY, YOU CAN GET A DOG
The New Yorker, May 2019
WINTER BLAHS
The New Yorker, February 2019
TICK CHECK
The New Yorker, August 2018
BAD NEWS
The New Yorker, July 2018
Not-To-Be-Missed Shouts of 2018
THE WRITER
The New Yorker, May 2018
AN EMOJI CORRESPONDENCE
The New Yorker, January 2018
MY LINKEDIN PHOTO
The New Yorker, November 2017
STEVE AT THE PARTY
The New Yorker, July 2017
I WORK FROM HOME
The New Yorker, March 2017
#13 Most-Read New Yorker Piece in 2017
Hear the Audio Version Performed by Kristen Wiig & Bill Hader
KING OF NEW YORK
The New Yorker, August 2016
WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT
The New Yorker, July 2016
Hear the Audio Version on Selected Shorts
Listen to my interview on WNYC
Read the New York Times mention
Not-To-Be-Missed Shouts of 2016
HORIMER'S JOURNEY
The New Yorker, March 2016
THE SCARIEST STORY EVER TOLD
The New Yorker, October 2015
I MISS YOU
Hear the Audio Version
MARRIED ROLEPLAY
The New Yorker, August 2015
PLAYGROUND PURGATORY
The New Yorker, May 2015
Not-To-Be-Missed Shouts of 2015
MAGIC FOR THE MODERN CHILD
The New York Times, May 2015
EXPLORING OUR UNIVERSE
The New Yorker, February 2015
THANKSGIVING FOOD-COMA D.N.R.
The New Yorker, November 2014
RIGHTSIZING OUR WORKFORCE
REAL FOODIE
VICE Munchies, September 2014
CORN MAZE FAQ
The New Yorker, September 2014
Not-To-Be-Missed Shouts of 2014
THIS NEW RAP SONG HAS A REFRESHING PERSPECTIVE ON PUSSY
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, July 2014
YOUR BEACH BODY
The New Yorker, May 2014
A FEW THINGS BEFORE I CHOOSE YOU TO WATCH MY LAPTOP
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, April 2014
THE FIRST CIVIL WAR REENACTMENT
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, March 2014
GOOD MEETING
The New Yorker, March 2014
GOING FOR BRONZE
The New Yorker, February 2014
THE DAME
The New Yorker, January 2014
THE PATH TO SELF-AWARENESS
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, November 2014
FRANKENSTEIN HAVE CRAZY NIGHT AHEAD OF FRANKENSTEIN
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, October 2014
YOU ARE NOW UNDER WITNESS PROTECTION
The New Yorker, August 2013
I EARN UP TO $300 A DAY MAKING MY OWN JEWELRY AND BEING A PROSTITUTE
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, July 2013
BY DAY I'M AN OMELET CHEF, BUT BY NIGHT I'M AN OMELET CHEF AT ANOTHER PLACE
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, May 2013
ESSENTIAL ADVICE ON YOUR LENGTHY UNEMPLOYMENT
The New Yorker, April 2013
THE SCIENCE OF DAYDREAMS
The New Yorker, March 2013
THIS IS THE YEAR
The New Yorker, December 2012
HAUNTED HOTEL GHOSTS RECOUNT THEIR MOST DISTURBING GUEST STORIES
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, October 2013
THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER
The New Yorker, October 2012
A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO BUILDING A TINY FUCKING SHIP INSIDE A TINY FUCKING BOTTLE
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, August 2012
AN AUTOMATED CONFERENCE CALL MODERATOR GETS REAL
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, July 2012
I'M THE DISTORTED SECURITY CODE STANDING BETWEEN YOU AND THIS WEB PAGE
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, May 2012
THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO WRITING BETTER THAN YOU NORMALLY DO
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, April 2012
JAMES JOYCE ORDERS A SHAMROCK SHAKE
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, March 2012
SEVEN WAYS TO PUT THE HEAT BACK IN YOUR BEAT
VICE, March 2012
WHO'S YOUR EAR, NOSE & THROAT DOCTOR?
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, August 2011
WELCOME TO PARADISE
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, June 2011
MY SELF-PORTRAIT
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, January 2011
ODES TO THE THINGS I CAN NO LONGER ENJOY ON MY DAMNED DIET
Eating Well Magazine, January 2011
COAT DRIVE
NEIL DIAMOND REVIEWS 16 HOT NEW BANDS
Paste Magazine, October 2010
SEARCHING FOR ME: A MODERN TALE OF HEARTBREAK AND VIDEOGAMES
The Paris Review, May 2010
IT'S NAKED TIME
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, June 2010
WE ARE THE FAMILY IN THE PHOTO THAT CAME WITH YOUR NEW PICTURE FRAME
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, May 2010
THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, December 2009
HOME SCHOOLED
The Morning News, September 2009
IT'S DECORATIVE GOURD SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, September 2009
Hear the Audio by Rob Corddry (46:45)
IT'S WEIRD TO THINK ONE DAY I'LL PHOTOSHOP YOU OUT OF THESE VACATION PHOTOS
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, August 2009
YOUR LAST MEAL: A FEW SUBSTITUTIONS
College Humor, June 2009
I AM POSEIDON! GOD OF THE SEA! I ALSO TEACH WATER AEROBICS ON SATURDAYS
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, June 2009
METH LAB FENG SHUI
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, April 2008
DIARY OF A WOMAN TRAPPED INSIDE A MAN'S BODY TRAPPED INSIDE A BEAVER'S BODY
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, September 2008
I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO MEET MY PANTHER
Yankee Potroast, September 2008
MY SNAKE NIGHTMARE
Monkeybicycle, May 2008
DR. SEUSS TREATS A PATIENT
Yankee Potroast, August 2008
IT WAS I WHO FLIPPED OVER THE RISK BOARD LAST NIGHT
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, June 2008
IF I COULD FLY
GOOD TIMES: THE LOST EPISODE
Yankee Potroast, March 2008
ADVANCED TAI CHI EXERCISES FOR THE MODERN WORLD
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, December 2007
GOOD NEWS, A SEAT ON MY TANDEM BICYCLE JUST OPENED UP
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Octover 2007
EULOGY FOR A BEARDED BEE GUY
McSweeney's Internet Tendency, July 2007
